firstly because i dont think anyone takes the idea of a “male traitor” seriously except for shit stains like Paul Elam and other red-pilling personalities of reactionary masculinism. moreover, i don’t want the status of “male traitor” to be some holy peak where i can say Hallelujah any more than “feminist” (which remains woefully undermined by racist, cissexist, ableist, and pro-capitalist white women) or “white race traitor.” it is better to hold these values as processes of becoming.
at the time i started this wordpress, which was smack in the middle of a depression downturn, another semester in a conservative liberal arts college that was becoming increasingly hostile to anti-racism and feminism by the year, and my undergrad thesis project. being a gender traitor seemed more important in this milieu. Being a race traitor is always priority #1 though, lol.
what were my intentions? i guess mainly to have some place where i can express myself and promote the analyses and creativity of women and especially the black women and women of color who enriched justice movements all throughout history.
but recently ive been really fortunate to have various opportunities coming my way, and now it is conceivable that i will soon be arriving on the art scene (in a minor way of course). ill gloss over the details — basically this wordpress will start developing into a place to collect my “work” in both words and audio-visual pieces. im coyly using these terms bc im still reticent to call them essays and films. at this moment i see myself as a conceptual artist who happens to like traditional mediums.
but the biggest reason why im rejecting “Male Traitor” (but i might keep it in the url), is that i am not a dude. in september 2014 masculinity was harder for me to disavow for some reason. i look like a (very effeminate) dude, it still says M on my ID. i was designated male at birth. i still felt beholden to that slip of paper imposed by the state, documentation that shadows my life. but you know what, fuck it. non-binary as a coherent location has become much more comfortable for me thanks to what ive read and whom ive talked with in the time since i started gabbing on this web space.
singular “they” and only singular “they” feels like me. i dont really know how else to articulate this satisfaction. but it’s one that is rare when you are so acutely aware of your incongruencies with the social reality. i have yet to meet some linguistic prescriptivist with the gall to tell me i am not a “they,” but i will fight them (with my fists!). it aint “just” pronouns for me.
Who is Ba Jin? he was a Chinese anarchist who wrote novels and bore witness to the entirety of Mao’s regime. there is no real reason why his name is my current handle, other than that there was an anti-gentrification activist in the bay area who worked under the name of one of the Russian nihilists back in the day. Ba Jin (itself a pen name for Li Yaotang) is in the pinyin system. i have much more often seen the wade-giles Pa Chin. if i find or come up with a better handle i will change the blog once more.